MDGs Planescape Game - Devils, Demons, and Bureaucrats

Vaclav drinks a lot and saves the day!
Prison is not where I want to spend eternity

Vaclav’s mission is to drink

I wish I was a dwarf! How great it is to spend your afterlife drinking and drinking and fighting. Who knew those knee chewing buggers had such a great retirement plan. The drinks flow freely, the fights are friendly and the teabagging is epic. This might not be as good as using a brothel to travel, but it’s pretty close.

Of course come to find out that we weren’t supposed to be here, our acquisition target had managed to go to the wrong place. He instead was in a place called Carceri. I don’t understand why the gods need planes to imprison people. Its not like these people’s lives weren’t terrible already and then to punish them in an afterlife with no decent beer is a tragedy. Here friend dig this plot of land for your life, die and then sit in a crappy canyon with no fields drinking crappy beer. Pfie on the gods, I don’t need them and they don’t deserve all this worship.

We manage to find the trail of this Zeracook fella outside of town and some miserable little twit decides to rob us to cross a bridge. She wasn’t a bad sort so I tossed the coins behind her so we could all cross safely. I wonder if she went back to drink that terrible beer?
Carceri houses a wide variety of characters, we ran into a giantess and some sort of walking hyena. Although I don’t remember the hyena as I was asleep. What’s the point of having a hidden hut if you’re going to be stepping out of it in the middle of the night talking to strangers? I got plenty of rest so I was alright. The rest of F troop better learn to sleep when its time otherwise they won’t get away from trouble like me. It’s a good thing I’m here to keep them safe.

Eventually we came to the temple of Cryus. This was the home of a Titan who’s trying to stroke his ego by having an overly large home and having people worship it. He can’t be that great of a being if his home is in this crap hole Carceri. Luckily our quarry was inside and Cryus wasn’t.

Surprisingly they let us walk right on in. They even escorted us to a nice quiet sleep room. No distracting visions, no overly loud noises (well no noises to be honest). It would have been pretty good to get some sleep in here but Vox wanted out. Getting out turned out to be a pretty smart idea as were able to wander around the temple and find Zeracook. We managed to escape with a minor skirmish with the local staff and make it back in time for dinner.

I’m asking for all of our trips to start in the dwarven heaven!

Jericho's Log - Session #5
"Anybody seen a dead dwarf?"

Dear Mother,

Another great day has passed in the Lancers!

I’m sorry. I know you hate it when I’m sarcastic. It’s just that some of these jobs we’re given seem to be random nonsense. The Grandmaster called us in to do a job, so I thought we were going to get assigned to something epic. Turned out that we were to find a dead dwarf. Or more specifically, the spirit of a dead dwarf. I was confused at first…don’t all dead souls go to the Fugue Plain to be claimed by their gods? Certainly it would be difficult for most to pinpoint a specific soul in Lord Kelemvor’s endless realm. Fortunately, I thought, I know how this game works and it’ll be easy picking! Alas, the rules, it seems are different here in Sigil.

It appears that the rules of ascension are different than I’ve been taught. This particular dwarf was to be shuttled to “dwarf heaven” or some such place. Based on where we ended up on the first leg of our journey, it did indeed appear to be the paradise of our stout friends. There was much drinking and brawling around us. My colleague Vaclav channelled his inner-dwarf and thoroughly enjoyed himself while the rest of us set to work finding our wayward charge. Apparently, he got misdirected and instead ended up in a prison plane of some kind.

This confuses and bothers me, mother. We were taught that Lord Kelemvor shepherds the souls to the Fugue Plain so they may be claimed by their gods. Surely, our great Lord couldn’t be so careless as to “lose” a soul? Logic would dictate one of two conclusions. Either Lord Kelemvor does not shepherd souls, I thought that I find very distressing, or the rules of ascension are different in various realms. This troubled me on our mission, but I kept my thoughts private until I could sort them out.

We proceeded to follow the dwarf soul’s trail to Carceri, the prison plane. If there was an alternate analogue to the Fugue Plain, mother, it’s Carceri. It’s a blasted, hellish landscape no sane individual would want to spend their eternity. After a fruitless attempt at information gathering in the small town we arrived in, we trekked across the country, following Adolamin Jizaihō‘s tracking skills. It took us far longer than I expected and we were forced to spend the night before setting out again in the morning. I didn’t relish the idea of sleeping under the blasted skies of this terrible place, but fortunately Sindri Folkor had a spell handy to create a sort of bubble in which we could sleep peacefully.

During my watch, I saw what appeared to be an emaciated human with the head of a wolf or hyena walking towards us. Curious, I stepped out to speak with the creature, but kept a hand on my sword. It seems it was starving and desperately wanted gnome meat. I told it to be on its way, as I had no intention of it snacking on little Sindri. Wouldn’t you know, during his watch, the creature returned and Sindri chose to speak with it himself! Had I been awake, I’d have never let him do it! Fortunately, discretion won out and the event passed without incident.

Eventually we tracked the dwarf’s soul to a massive building complex made of pure white stone. It turned out to be a temple to the titan Cryus. I’d never heard of such a creature, but I’m learning now that I don’t know nearly as much as I thought I did about the multiverse. While the architecture was clearly designed for the great Cryus’ physical attributes, considerations were made for us smaller races as well, which was most fortunate.

We were welcomed into the temple by monks and when we asked about the dwarf, we were led to a chamber to wait for an audience with someone (Cryus?). The room was absolutely silent and there was a fog or mist that prevented us from seeing more than a few feet in any direction. Vox Tagleon scouted the perimeter of the room, but we found nothing useful. After several minutes, we tired of waiting and left the room.

We were about to wander through the temple when a guard confronted us. Vaclav and I managed to force him into the silent room and together we barred the door while the rest of the party searched for the dwarf. It wasn’t hard work, though being vigilant for more guards was a bit taxing. Vaclav and I had a good talk while we were waiting though. While somewhat rough around the edges, he’s not a bad guy. We might’ve bonded a bit too.

After about a half hour, the rest of the guys came back with the dwarf in tow. We tried making our way out of the temple quietly, but were caught by the guard and some monks. We didn’t want to risk a prolonged fight, so Sindri cast a prismatic spray, stunning most of the monks, and I used Lord Kelemvor’s commanding power to root another in place. We had to do some light fighting to subdue the remaining foes, but made our way out of the temple without bloodshed or significant incident.

We brought the dwarf back to the Grandmaster and as we left I heard them speaking about the dwarf’s ascension. I’m not really sure what that was all about, but I honestly don’t believe it was worth the effort of this talented group of soldiers.

This experience did have one benefit though. While my faith in my god remains unshaken, it’s clear that I don’t know all I need to know regarding the planes and my (our) place in them. I need to speak with other clergymen and paladins of other deities to gain a better understanding of the multiverse.

Session 6 - Adolomin's Log
Off with their helm, part 1

Having finally gotten tired of the cursed helm, and having gotten some down time, we decided to do something about it. Getting up from our meal after juggling the helm around we decided to head over to get the curse removed. The paladin lead the way to his church.

The church wouldn’t let us in claiming the helm was too evil and wouldn’t help us. It appears the helm was a powerful evil artifact. So, we decided to instead see what the libraries could tell us. Our mage and bard were able to find out that is was a helm created by an Demon lord Hertonzaguld, who, it appears, was trapped inside the helm at its creation. They found this based on some vague notes about a sage that was researching it but further investigation revealed nothing on this.

After further unproductive research we decided that asking some devils could provide some illumination on how to dispose of the artifact. So we went over to a bar frequented by some devils and, for some unknown reason, our barbarian decided that the best way to ask was to get in a bar fight with a bar full of angry devils. That turned out to not be the best way of finding the information we were seeking and we looked for alternate sources of information.

We were given some information by a crazy seerer that led us to a… unique library that might have the information we sought. As it turned out, this libraries information was not stored in books but in the animated skulls of the dead. The overseer of this library, though crazy, was able to help us get the information.

We needed to get some Baatazu gold and succubus tears and pour them through the helm at the celestial headwaters. While we were convincing the barbarian to not sell his soul to demons to get the gold, our bard was able to somehow acquire an amount of it for us. Our mage also located a succubus at the sensorium and, after spending a short personal time with her, was able to acquire a trace amount of tears for us.

Having thus gotten the materials we needed we found the best way to travel to the headwaters was to take the boat manned by the mysterious ferryman of the river of Styx. While on the shore we were attacked by some rat-man things and some other nasties but were able to fend them off just as the ferry arrived.


(sorry, my notes from the session disappeared so this is mostly from memory)

Sindri's Log - Session 06
When the Succubus Cries

The Setup

So we’re all out eating dinner together and watching Adolamin play with his clearly cursed helmet. He can’t seem to discard it and doesn’t even seem aware of the fact that he can’t. We’ve been ignoring it up until now because we’re fairly polite and don’t want to make him sad, but enough is enough!

I try my hand at dispelling the curse (something I learned recently) but suffer a massive shock in the attempt! We try the same thing at Jericho’s temple but they are similarly unsuccessful.

We then spend the next few days studying the curse and find out that it must contain the soul of a demon by the name of Hertonzaguld. Apparently he tried making a powerful artifact and was sucked in in the processes. We make our way to the demon-infested tavern with the portal to the maze and Vaclav tries his hand at diplomacy. It fails. Badly. We make our escape before they do too much damage to our bodies.

Crazy meets crazier

We hear of a local by the name of “Rule of Three” who frequents a tavern known as the Styx Oarsman. We go there and ask around and Vox ends up talking to the man. He’s pretty crazy… well “very” crazy would be a more apt description. Regardless, we’re able to piece together that we need to find one Master of Bones that could tell us what we need to know to destroy the cursed helmet.

We eventually find the Master of Bones who has a… library of sorts. It’s actually the skulls of various people throughout history that talk to us with their former knowledge. I’m actually pretty intrigued and would like to visit this place in the future to learn some more from those who have seen history unfold firsthand.

We learn that in order to destroy the artifact we need to take it to the river Oceanus and pour its headwaters through the helmet while filling it with stolen gold from a Baatazu and the tears of a succubus.


We first decide to get the two items we need. We head to the Sensates and are able to purchase time with a succubus. For some reason everyone thinks I would be the best choice to get her tears… I wont go into details but you’ll have to believe me when I say that things went as smoothly as gnomishly possible. I did end up with some tears at least!

After that we head to a Baatzu temple and Vox is able to snatch some gold while Vaclav instigates a distraction (i.e. peeing on the side of the temple).

To be continued…

We talk to Master Terrin and he gives us some information on how to get to Oceanus. We need to head to The Ditch and find an oarsman to sail us on the river Styx up to Oceanus. We’re attacked on our way but we finally make it to the docks just in time to see a boat with a skeletal figure on it pull up…

Vox's Log - Adv 6 - Adolamin's Got a Cursed Helm?!?!?

It seems on of my team mates, Adolamin the moo moo monk (hope he can’t read, or he’ll kick my ass for that joke) has a cursed helm. Even worse, it appears he’s had it for awhile. Now, if this helm isn’t able to re-write linear time, that means my memory dumps are getting worse.

Anyway, evidently at some point I was aware of the accursed helm, because I agreed to help Adolamin get rid of it. This is where things get “fuzzy.” We go on some sort of mini-quest to find out about the helm and rid it of its curse. Not real sure what the curse is. It can’t be too bad, Adolamin keeps the helm with him at all times. He seems to really like that thing. The only thing I’ve noticed is Adolamin’s fighting is getting better. He’s fighting at a much higher level than when we met. Wonder if because of the helm…

I was told later, “Good job of talking to the crazy man.” I can’t remember by whom, and I sure don’t remember a crazy man. Sure some gent, but he was not special. I don’t even remember the conversation at all. Then I do remember going to talk to some one special. He stored his stories in skulls. The dead do remember. I wonder if I’ll remember everything I’ve forgotten once I’m dead. Anyway, it seems that Adolamin’s helm is possessed by the soul of a deamon.

To free it of the curse, we had to do three impossible things. Evidently we scored one or two pretty quick. I think I was clever and stole something. It was shiny. I don’t know if they let me keep it. There is a bulge in my pocket. I’m afraid to see what it is. So I leave it be. Then we have to hop a ride with the ferryman. I was once warned never to pay him by a fellow named DeBurg. It was about that time that my head seemed to clear, as if coming out of a cloud, one that was obscuring my memories; and… (to be continued, hopefully)

Vaclav learns a new song
Gnomes are scary succubus lovers

I got bit by something with very nasty teeth. I knew we should have stayed away from the river Styx. All the bodies I’ve seen tossed in there, all the things that’ve crawled out into the city. Sure lets go wondering down there to help Adolomin. At least I killed the bugger, but I better get I cleaned out before it turns septic.
Things were going pretty good tonight before that bite happened; we got into a fight with a bunch of buggering deamons, we made the gnome get intimate with a succubus and he made her cry! She was probably disappointed in …well lets leave that alone. I’d hate to think what the gnome brought to the table to make the succubus cry. I think if we had just gotten tattoos this night could have ended better.
Instead we’re sitting on the end of a pier listening to Vox sing a less than inspiring song…

_It was late at night on the open road, speeding like a man on the run
A lifetime spent preparing for the journey.
He is closer now and the search is on, reading from a map in the mind,
Yes! There’s that ragged hill and there’s a boat on the river.

And when the rain came down, he heard a wild dog howl
There were voices in the night (Don’t do it!)
Voices out of sight (Don’t do it!)
Too many men have failed before, whatever you do;

Don’t pay the ferryman!
Don’t even fix a price!
Don’t pay the ferryman
Until he gets you to the other side.

In the rolling mist, then he gets on board, now there’ll be no turning back
Beware that hooded old man at the rudder.
And then the lightning flashed and the thunder roared, and people calling out his name,
And dancing bones that jabbered-and-a-moaned on the water.

And then the ferryman said “There is trouble ahead,
So you must pay me now.” (Don’t do it!)
“You must pay me now.” (Don’t do it!)
And still that voice came from beyond, whatever you do;

Don’t pay the ferryman!
Don’t even fix a price!
Don’t pay the ferryman
Until he gets you to the other side.
Don’t pay the ferryman_

Just when Vox finishes his last verse a skiff pulls up next to the pier. I’m confused; are we supposed to pay it or not. Vox is very confusing…

Jericho's Log - Session #6
"It's a nice hat when it's not devouring your soul..."

Dear Mother,

You may recall that in one of our previous adventures, we faced off against a major demon or something and picked up its equipment when we defeated the fiend. Well, as it turns out, the helm that Adolamin picked up from it is cursed. HARD. Sindri tried using a Remove Curse spell on it and was nearly blasted out of his shoes! I have no small amount of respect for our diminutive wizard, so if he couldn’t clean it, then you know it’s got some nasty mojo going on.

Fortunately, Master Queale was available at the temple. However, when we approached him regarding the item, he seemed genuinely concerned about its power. He and the acolytes attempted a remove curse ritual, but were also foiled by the artifact’s magic. I’ve never seen the old priest so stricken! Truly this is a powerful magic item.

Sindri and Vox did some research and we found that the item contains the soul or essence of the demon that created it; one Hertonzaguld. I’m concerned about this item, mother. If a demon capable of creating an artifact was unable to control it enough to prevent its creation from consuming it, then will we have what it takes to destroy it? We decided to investigate the demon at one of the local “demon bars” down in the bad part of town. I was hesitant to go back into that den of hell, but the greater good demanded it.

I’ll spare you the details of it mother. Essentially, our attempts at a “diplomatic” solution failed utterly and we barely escaped unscathed. We hear the barkeep mention the crazy old fool “Rule of Three” before we left. It seems he knows more than his reputation would imply. We visited him and were again redirected to another colorful individual named the “Master of Bones.” Oh yes mother, THAT one.

To this day I don’t know if he accumulates his bones willingly or otherwise. Either way, as useful a resource as he may be, the Master’s efforts fly directly in the face of our Lord’s directive! Still, I suppose if these souls are willing to become part of the Master’s menagerie willingly, then who am I to judge what they do with their afterlife? Still, I had to resist the urge to torch the place to the ground on principle alone.

Fortunately, the Master happened to have the skull of the only sage ever to survive getting rid of the helm. Apparently it’s too powerful to be outright destroyed, so the curse must be interrupted instead. We have to jump through the typical hoops one would expect of breaking an artifact. We had to steal gold from a Baatazu, which Vox was able to do rather easily, surprisingly. We also had to acquire tears from a succubus. I was at a loss as to how such a soulless beast as one of those devils could possibly squeeze out tears, but somehow Sindri managed it behind closed doors. He seemed…changed…when he came out. I hope the little guy is okay.

Finally, we have to take the helm, gold, and tears up to the source of the River Oceanus and douse the helm in its waters while filled with the gold and tears. Who comes up with these procedures anyhow? I fear I’ll never understand the art of magical item creation.

We proceeded to the Ditch to find a ferryman to take us across the planes to Oceanus’ source, but were ambushed when we got there! It seems that someone else wants the helm as well. We easily dispatched the cretinous wretches who bothered us. They appeared to be wererats or something along those lines. Filthy beasts, those.

Now we simply have to wait for the ferryman. Vox is sitting at the end of the pier singing some terrible, yet oddly catchy tune. It sounds religious in an oddly dark, blue way. Come to think of it, I have a taste for seafood now. What’s that about?

I must go now, mother. Vaclav seems to have gotten himself infected with something from the fight. I must attend to his wounds.

Session 7 - Adolomin's Log
Off with their helm, part 2
When we last saw our heroes they were heroically getting on a boat having just defeated…. RATS! (of unusual size)

As the ferryman arrived we all boarded his boat. We paid him our fare to take us to the headwaters of Oceanus so that we could get rid of the Hertonzaguld’s cursed artifact helm. The first part of the trip was mostly scenic… if such could be said of any trip involving traveling through hell on the River Styx.

While we were still in the realms of hell we were attack by a set of demons. Two vulture things and two bug things. The bug things were particularly nasty as they put several members of our group into a slumber and had a vile essence to their attacks when they touched you. The vulture things in comparison were not so bad, though they stunk worse. Fortunately we were able to knock on of the bug things into the river and thus get rid of it but the fight still took a mighty tole on us.

After arriving at the point where we were leaving the River of Styx, per the ferryman’s gestures, we found our barbarian friend acting crazy(er) but were able to successfully navigate our way through the tunnels to find our selves in a crazy town at the edge of the Outlands. The ferryman thought another boat into existence and navigated the waterways of the Outlands to our next destination.

During this trip we were accosted by a small group of lizardmen creatures. Our bard was able to bribe them to let us pass without bloodshed, though there way some difficulty on the payment portion. Eventually I just paid the money, though he did give them a potion, and we continued on.

We arrived at a town the involved a lot of physical gratification. The ferryman indicated us to depart the boat and led us through the town. We had to drag the barbarian away, though he did get some fun in first, and the ferryman thought his ferry into existence again on a new river. We followed this new river, witch turned out to be the River Oceanus, through the Celestial planes.

On one of these planes we found something startling, it was on the plane of animal as it phased through the portions of the day. Our barbarian howled in rage, which was not unusual, but this time was different. He was harrier. It turns out he had taken on a slight case of lycanthropy, possibly from the rat-men but we aren’t sure. After a short fight we were able to take him down. Unfortunately he was still alive so we tied him up until his fit passed.

Finally we arrived at the headwaters only to find a celestial being ordering us to turn around and leave, our quest undone. We tried to convince him of our purpose and what needed to be done but he would have none of it. Deciding that we NEEDED to be rid of the curse helm and the Celestials would certainly be better able to deal with it than us, I quickly followed the ritual to disperse the curse after-witch the helm fell from my hands into the waters.

He was not pleased. We quickly paid the ferryman for our return to Sigil. He made our departure post hast and we were away and finally rid of the helm.

(Again, my notes are all gone. So from my leaky memory we go)

Sindri's Log - Session 07
Come sail away with me

The Continuation

We all board the ferry and pay the oarsman his copper and it begins to sail us down the river. Eventually we pass through Sigil and find ourselves on the river Styx! Looking around we spot mountains and steam coming up from the river and I deduce that we have entered Gehenna. It’s fairly depressing here but Vox starts singing a tune a keeps us all lively and feeling well.

After some time we enter the grey, washed-out landscape of the Grey Wastes. Unfortunately Vox ends up breaking a string on his lute while trying to keep us entertained and the power of the plane gets us all depressed, with Vaclav starting to go a bit emo.

Next up is Carceri, which we recognize from a couple missions ago to find the spirit of a dwarf. Vox abandons his lute this time and keeps us entertained with some jokes. Following that is a dim place with a red sun… the Abyss! Unfortunately Vox’s jokes start getting so bad that they attract demons overhead!

Some of the demons land and one of them puts me to sleep… which I remained for the entirety of the battle. I awoke to find Adolamin passed out on top of me so I quickly heal him so that he’ll move. Next I have to endure Vaclav’s snickering as he told me that one of the demons farted in my face and Adolamin did something called “teabagging” while I was unconscious. Not my most glamorous of battles.

Walking among the screams

We finally end up in Pandemonium, which I recognized immediately from all the screaming tunnels… kind of hard to miss, actually. Vaclav seemed particularly disturbed by the wails as he began mumbling to himself and took his pants right off.

Eventually the oarsman leads us to shore and directs us off the boat. We do so and he follows us, pointing down a particular tunnel. We walk for quite a while which prompts Adolamin and Vox to knock Vaclav out so that he would be easier to transport through the plane.

After a while we exit the tunnels and find ourselves on a hill overlooking Bedlum in the Outlands. We can see Sigil in the distance! Quite a trip to end up back “near” where we started. We walk around the town and find a marsh where the oarsman summons a new boat for us to ride on.

Before we can sail through the marsh we are suddenly beset upon by some lizardfolk. Vox starts negotiating with them and offers them a potion. They demand tribute and want 6 shiny things (gold) from each of us. Eventually we relent and Adolamin and I pay their tribute from our own pockets.

Vaclav can’t handle outer planes

After sailing some more we find ourselves at the gate town of Sylvania near Arborea (a.k.a. Olympus, Arvandor). We stop there for a bit so that Vaclav can have relations with three women while Jericho watches… I guess you had to be there… or not… it’s a weird place.

Next up is a land of continual noon – the first layer of the Beastlands. We pass through that to the next layer of perpetual dawn, then finally to the third layer of perpetual night. It’s here that Vaclav starts becoming feral and attacks us. I think quickly and use a spell to mess with his mind in order to show him a well-hung, naked dwarf that continually taunts him. It works fairly well… I guess I know Vaclav’s tendencies pretty well by now. Eventually we knock him out and continue on our way.

It’s never smooth sailing

Finally we make our way to Elysium and sail up to the Ocean of Thalysia where the headwaters of the river Oceanus. It’s at that point that an angel appeared and told us to leave and not do what we were clearly attempting to do. I tried my best to ask the angel questions about the helmet and the task that we needed to do to remove the curse… but it ignored me completely. So we did the ritual anyways and high-tailed it out of there.

We did have to re-pay the oarsman to get him to take us back, though.

Vox's Log - Adv 6.5 - Freestylin' Daemon's Lament

Day by day
Thoughts escape me
Senses rape me
Memories lie
My time flies
So I come to realize
In the end
Who made me
Darkness and death
Those who’d slay me
Its not their time
As I lay down this rhyme
I will survive
To expose their lies
In the light of day
This I say
You will fail
And be sent back to Hell!

Peace out to all my brother Sense8’s…


I'm sorry, but we no longer support this web browser. Please upgrade your browser or install Chrome or Firefox to enjoy the full functionality of this site.